I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this.
Why won’t my body cooperate?
I’m scared to keep hoping.
I’m more scared to give up.
I don’t recognize myself anymore.
I feel so disconnected from my partner.
What am I doing wrong?
I just want to be a mom.
You start each month thinking "this is gonna be my cycle"... try to relax through the suspense and anxiety of every OPK, blood test, or ultrasound... alternate during the TWW between trying not to get your hopes up and "manifesting" your BFP... stare at that stark white test, devastated, while part of you still desperately tries to see a line... you sob, you scream, you wonder if you can really do this another month... and then you pick yourself up off the floor and gear up to start the rollercoaster all over again.
A friend or family member shares that they are pregnant! On their first try! You want to be happy for them - and a part of you is of course, but if you're being honest, you kind of hate them. You smile and congratulate them, but you're filled with anger at seeing how easy it was for them to get pregnant, and the ache to have what they have tears you up inside.
You've tried to open up about your journey to get support. But if you have to hear one more person (who already has 3 kids) tell you to "just relax" or "just stop trying and it will happen" you might strangle somebody.
Does this sound familiar?
relate better to memes?
I've got you covered
Does this sound familiar?
You start each month thinking "this is gonna be my cycle"... try to relax through the suspense and anxiety of every OPK, blood test, or ultrasound... alternate during the TWW between trying not to get your hopes up and "manifesting" your BFP... stare at that stark white test, devastated, while part of you still desperately tries to see a line... you sob, you scream, you wonder if you can really do this another month... and then you pick yourself up off the floor and gear up to start the rollercoaster all over again.
A friend or family member shares that they are pregnant! On their first try! You want to be happy for them - and a part of you is of course, but if you're being honest, you kind of hate them. You smile and congratulate them, but you're filled with anger at seeing how easy it was for them to get pregnant and the ache to have what they have tears you up inside.
You've tried to open up about your journey to get support. But if you have to hear one more person (who already has 3 kids) tell you to "just relax" or "just stop trying and it will happen" you might strangle somebody.
do you like memes?
maybe you'll relate best to one of these
You miss who you used to be before all this. You hardly recognize yourself anymore.
You hate your body for failing you. Every medication you take is a reminder of how your body can't do what it was "made to do."
Making decisions that should be simple - like scheduling a massage - or making plans that should be exciting - like your next vacation - are complicated by trying to fit everything around where you're at in your cycle or "if I will be pregnant."
Everything feels like it's falling apart.
You feel more and more isolated while you watch everyone else keep moving forwards, but you're still stuck, waiting.
The intense mood swings (hormone induced or not) are making you feel like a crazy person.
What if you could...
Smooth out the emotional rollercoaster
Make sense of and find meaning in the path you're on
Learn to trust and love your body again
All of this is possible with therapy
Find purpose and joy apart from your fertility
Ask for and actually get the support you need during this process
share your story and express your emotions without fear of being judged or dismissed
learn practical ways to cope with or contain difficult feelings or distressing thoughts
Together we'll work on:
build your tolerance to give space for and sit with all your emotions in order to fully honor and release them
restore connection and intimacy with your partner
schedule your free 15-minute consultation to learn if Ifs-informed emdr is right for you
*Infertility is often complicated by trauma. You may have had traumatic experiences during your fertility journey - including dismissive providers, painful procedures, failed transfers, or miscarriages - or you may have past experiences that are being triggered by this process - including childhood abuse, sexual assault/rape, death of a family member, or spiritual abuse. These and any other traumas complicating your healing can be addressed with IFS-Informed EMDR.
What is IFS-Informed EMDR?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. IFS stands for Internal Family Systems.
Both EMDR and IFS are evidence-based therapies for treating trauma. IFS-Informed EMDR integrates the two, changing the underlying negative core beliefs that are causing emotional and relational problems in a way that collaborates with our natural psychological defenses rather than trying to just push past them.
This process completely transforms how you view yourself, others, and the world, making it possible to experience true healing and lasting change.
let go of any misplaced blame or guilt over things you cannot control
validating the past
Building A new Future
coping with the present
honor and grieve the loss of the life you imagined
reconnect with old, or find new, hobbies and activities you can enjoy while TTC
find or create new social supports
learn strategies for setting boundaries around conversation topics and events
process traumatic experiences*
redefine your values, dreams, and goals - not only for building your family, but for all areas of your life
Every fertility journey is unique, but therapy is a safe space to process whatever yours may look like.
therapy for FERTILITY CHALLENGES can address the thoughts and feelings you have about EXPERIENCES with all kinds of DIAGNOSES, TESTING & treatments:
• PCOS/anovulatory cycles
• Luteal phase defect
• Diminished ovarian reserve
• Endometriosis
• Thyroid imbalances
• Endometritis
• Polyps, fibroids
• Sperm quality
• Variocele
• Tubal occlusion/hydrosalpinx
• Immune factors
• HSG
• Hysteroscopy
• Laparoscopy
• Pelvic ultrasound series
• Microbiome testing
• Hormone supplementation
• Ovulation induction meds
• Timed intercourse
• Trigger shots
• IUI (un/medicated)
• IVF (various protocols)
• Gestational carriers
• Donor sperm/eggs/embryos
- Treat yourself with gentleness and compassion
- Honor the sacrifices you've made and continue to make to start a family
- Find clarity and confidence regarding next steps
- Find happiness within yourself instead of your circumstances
- Look ahead with renewed hope
- Be filled with courage and faith alongside the fear and uncertainty
If you’re ready, then I am confident that together we can help you to better navigate infertility and learn to live your best life as your best self - starting now, not when you have the family you want.
Infertility fucking sucks.
But you can find peace and happiness in the midst of it.
One day, you will thank yourself for not giving up.
schedule your free 15-minute consultation
You deserve care and support in your season of waiting.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Infertility counseling may be provided by a social worker at your fertility clinic, a spiritual advisor at your place of worship, or by a licensed psychotherapist (which is what I am).
Some infertility counseling works with the couple, while some works with just one partner (I offer individual therapy for women, whether they plan to carry the pregnancy themselves or their baby will be carried by their same-sex partner or by a surrogate).
When infertility counseling is provided by a licensed therapist, clinical social worker, or psychologist, it can be billed to insurance or covered by HSA funds. It is considered medical treatment to address the mental and emotional impact of various stages of the infertility experience, including the initial struggle to conceive, testing and diagnosing fertility issues, making decisions about infertility treatment options, and undergoing the chosen treatment.
Most infertility therapists also have expertise in supporting their clients through pregnancy and postpartum when they do conceive, as well as supporting them through the grieving process if they experience a loss and deciding if/when they want to try again.
- Receive emotional support, have a safe outlet to express all your thoughts and feelings
- Learn coping skills and strategies to manage stress, anxiety, disappointment, grief, anger, jealousy, hopelessness, and more
- Share the story of your fertility journey with an unbiased listener and begin to make sense of your experience
- Explore treatment options and prepare for the choices that need to be made
- Improve couple communication
- Restore playful and joyful sexual intimacy
This means that it's more important to focus on choosing the right therapist for you, not which type, or "modality," of therapy you choose. So find someone you "vibe" with - someone who makes you feel safe to share and then makes you feel seen and understood.
As for different types of therapy, there are several evidence-based options and which one is right for you will depend on your goals:
- Group therapy - best if you are looking for peer support, being able to have discussions with people on a similar journey
- CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) - best if you are struggling with negative thinking patterns and like a very structured approach (worksheets, etc.)
- Couples counseling - EFT (emotionally focused therapy) or Gottman therapy are a good choice if relationship issues are your biggest concern
- Trauma therapy, such as EMDR or IFS - best if you have experienced traumatic events during infertility treatment or if there are traumas from your past that are being triggered by certain procedures or by generally preparing to become a parent (e.g. childhood abuse, sexual assault, past medical issues, death of a parent, etc.)
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