Pretty sure I'm gonna die alone
I have nothing to offer.
If they really get to know me, they'll leave
There's something wrong with me
I'm a loser
I'm too needy
I'm unlovable
I shouldn't date because I would just be wasting their time
I don't trust people
I'm afraid of getting hurt again
I don't trust my own judgment
I want a family someday
I mess up every good thing in my life
I hate being alone
You're not sure you'll ever get over your break-up. Maybe you want your ex back and maybe you don't - the point is that now you feel completely broken and unlovable. You don't want to be single forever, but it seems foolish to put yourself out there when it feels obvious that there's something wrong with you and you know you're incapable the kind of relationship you really want.
You feel envious when your friend who went on their first ever online date is now 6 months in to their relationship. You've tried so many dating apps but just keep meeting weirdos or getting ghosted. How is that fair?! But then you're mad at yourself because you know your friend didn't do anything wrong and you should be happy for them, so you feel like a bad person for getting so upset.
You manage to actually enter the "relationship" phase of dating someone and are plagued with doubts. The fact that it's actually going well scares the shit out of you. Also whenever something bothers you, you aren't sure what are actual red flags versus what's your own "stuff" coming up. You're pretty obsessed with this person, but it is normal infatuation or is it codependency??
Sound familiar?
relate better to memes?
I've got you covered
Does this sound familiar?
You're not sure you'll ever get over your break-up. Maybe you want your ex back and maybe you don't - the point is that now you feel completely broken and unlovable. You don't want to be single forever, but it seems foolish to put yourself out there when it feels obvious that there's something wrong with you and you know you're incapable the kind of relationship you really want.
You feel envious when your friend who went on their first ever online date is now 6 months in to their relationship. You've tried so many dating apps but just keep meeting weirdos or getting ghosted. How is that fair?! But then you're mad at yourself because you know your friend didn't do anything wrong and you should be happy for them, so you feel like a bad person for getting so upset.
You manage to actually enter the "relationship" phase of dating someone and are plagued with doubts. The fact that it's actually going well scares the shit out of you. Also whenever something bothers you, you aren't sure what are actual red flags versus what's your own "stuff" coming up. You're pretty obsessed with this person, but it is normal infatuation or is it codependency??
do you like memes?
maybe you'll relate best to one of these
It doesn't matter that you have friends - they all have a significant other which means that you aren't anybody's number one person and that feels incredibly lonely.
You feel lost. You always imagined being married, having kids, but you're all alone. How are you supposed to plan for your future when what you want most isn't something you can control?
You hate going to family functions and you're running out of snarky replies to questions about when you're going to get married or "settle down"
And where does this leave you?
You're throwing yourself into a career you hate because your job is the only source of meaning and purpose in your life
What if ...
You don't have a bunch of "toxic traits" but you actually have a lot of parts who adapted and learned to do whatever you needed to feel loved and accepted
You aren't actually too needy, but you have needs that aren't being met and you just don't know how to (or don't believe you're allowed to) ask your partner to meet those needs
Your expectations aren't too high and you aren't being "too picky, " but you're holding out for the love, consideration, and respect that some part of you knows you deserve
I'm sorry that anyone you loved ever made you believe that it's hard to love you.
You are lovable, you can develop a more secure attachment style, and you deserve the relationship you've always dreamed about.
i know you probably don't believe me right now, and therapy can help with that.
process your past dating and relationship experiences
learn practical ways to cope with or contain difficult feelings or distressing thoughts affecting your self-esteem
Together we'll work on:
build your tolerance for spending time alone as you get to know yourself better
schedule your free 15-minute consultation to learn if Ifs-informed emdr is right for you
*Romantic relationships are often complicated by trauma, whether experienced in your adult relationships or in your formative years - including having parents who were emotionally unavailable or went through a messy divorce, childhood sexual abuse, sexual assault/rape, or an ex-partner who cheated or was abusive. These and any other traumas complicating your ability to develop a healthy romantic attachment can be addressed with IFS-Informed EMDR.
What is IFS-Informed EMDR?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. IFS stands for Internal Family Systems.
Both EMDR and IFS are evidence-based therapies for treating trauma. IFS-Informed EMDR integrates the two, changing the underlying negative core beliefs that are causing emotional and relational problems in a way that collaborates with our natural psychological defenses rather than trying to just push past them.
This process completely transforms how you view yourself, others, and the world, making it possible to experience true healing and lasting change.
let go of any misplaced blame or guilt for relationships that ended
validating the past
Building A new Future
coping with the present
grieve the loss of the life you imagined (either the general life you expected to have by now or with a specific partner)
re-engage with old, or explore and find new hobbies and activities
reconnect with or create new social supports
build confidence in expressing needs and feelings and in setting and maintaining boundaries
process traumatic experiences*
clearly define your values, dreams, and goals so you know when a potential partner is in alignment
practice healthy attachment patterns as you begin dating again
"Relationship Therapy" while you are single can help you to:
- Feel confident going on dates
- Learn "green flags" to look for
- Set healthy boundaries
- Self-regulate when old attachment wounds are triggered
- Trust yourself and your instincts
If you’re ready, then I am confident that together we can process past experiences that have had a lasting impact on you and how you show up in relationships, rewiring the parts of your brain that are stuck, so you can be your best self and better see who the right person is to share your life with.
If you want a healthy relationship, the first relationship you need to work on is
schedule your free 15-minute consultation to get started
the one you have with yourself
Contact
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