I don't understand
Why did this happen?
Why me???
I don't know how I'll ever be happy again
I miss my baby
I feel guilty for wanting to try again so soon
I'm terrified to try again
You're still in shock... "Get pregnant, go into labor, deliver your baby, and then bring them home." That's how it worked for everyone you knew, and you never imagined finding yourself in this other reality - the one where your baby died during or after birth and you left the hospital with empty arms.
You know you weren't very far along. Maybe you never even saw your baby. But you also know you didn't just lose a "ball of cells." You imagined what your baby would look like or what their laugh would sound like...you imagined going to all their sports events and watching them walk down the aisle. You lost an entire lifetime of dreams.
When you think about your future, it's gone fuzzy. You're afraid you'll never find joy or happiness or be able to move beyond this profound disappointment.
Sound familiar?
relate better to memes or gifs?
I've got you covered
You can't stop hearing the words "I'm sorry but there is no heartbeat" or seeing that still image on the screen.
They told you it's nothing you did, but you can't stop wondering if it's somehow your fault. Did you exercise too much? Eat the wrong thing? Get too stressed out with work?
Sound familiar?
do you like memes and gifs?
maybe you'll relate best to one of these
You're still in shock... "Get pregnant, go into labor, deliver your baby, and then bring them home." That's how it worked for everyone you knew, and you never imagined finding yourself in this other reality - the one where your baby died during or after birth and you left the hospital with empty arms.
You know you weren't very far along. Maybe you never even saw your baby or heard the heartbeat. But you also know you didn't just lose a "ball of cells." You imagined what your baby would look like or what their laugh would sound like...you imagined going to all their sports events and watching them walk down the aisle. You lost an entire lifetime of dreams.
You can't stop hearing the words "I'm sorry but there is no heartbeat," or seeing that still image on the screen.
They told you it's nothing you did, but you can't stop wondering if it's somehow your fault. Did you exercise too much? Eat the wrong thing? Get too stressed out with work?
When you think about your future, it's gone fuzzy. You're afraid you'll never find joy or happiness or be able to move beyond this profound disappointment.
This was your first pregnancy. Now you're unsure if your body is even capable of carrying a baby. You want to try again, but you realize that getting a positive wouldn't bring relief - it would just bring fear of it happening again.
You finally got pregnant after years of infertility, only for this to happen. Now you feel overwhelmed about trying again because suddenly you realize that getting pregnant isn't the only hurdle you have to overcome.
You have experienced recurrent pregnancy loss. Your emotions have gotten more confusing and your grief more complicated with each loss. You're starting to question if you should stop trying because you aren't sure if you can handle another loss.
Maybe...
You have one or more children and so you had already told everyone about this pregnancy. Now now you feel stupid for not being more guarded and you feel guilty or selfish for still wanting another.
You have one or more children and so you had already told everyone about this pregnancy. Now now you feel stupid for not being more guarded and you feel guilty or selfish for still wanting another.
Your baby was given a terminal diagnosis in utero, and so in addition to your grief, you are wrestling with guilt and self-doubt about if you made the right decision to terminate or carry to term.
What if you could...
Work through the pain and be at peace with your loss
Make sense of and find meaning in your experience
Restore your trust in your body
All of this is possible with therapy
Remember, but not re-experience, everything that happened
Find joy and be excited about your future again
share your story and express your emotions without fear of being judged or dismissed
process deciding if and when to try again
learn practical strategies to cope with or contain difficult feelings or distressing thoughts
Together we'll work on:
validating the past
adjusting to the present
redefining the future
address any confusion about what happened and explore questions that may not have an answer
build your tolerance to give space for and sit with all your emotions in order to fully honor and release them
create a new vision for building your family
reconnect with your partner and restore intimacy
schedule your free 15-minute consultation to learn if Ifs-informed emdr is right for you
If your grief is complicated by trauma - traumatic experiences from the loss itself, or past experiences that are being triggered by the loss, then IFS-Informed EMDR can help.
What is IFS-Informed EMDR?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. IFS stands for Internal Family Systems.
Both EMDR and IFS are evidence-based therapies for treating trauma. IFS-Informed EMDR integrates the two, changing the underlying negative core beliefs that are causing emotional and relational problems in a way that collaborates with our natural psychological defenses rather than trying to just push past them.
This process completely transforms how you view yourself, others, and the world, making it possible to experience true healing and lasting change.
let go of any misplaced blame or guilt over things you couldn't control
set realistic expectations for what grief looks like over time and at different stages in your life
renew your identity and sense of purpose
There are all kinds of loss.
No matter what kind, your grief is valid.
therapy for Pregnancy & Infant loss can help you process:
• Failed transfer
• Embryo loss
• Chemical pregnancy
• Ectopic pregnancy
• Pregnancy of unknown location
• Missed miscarriage
• Early (1st trimester) miscarriage
• Late (2nd trimester) miscarriage
• Blighted ovum/Anembryonic pregnancy
• Partial molar pregnancy
• Complete molar pregnancy
• Vanishing twin
• Selective reduction
• Termination for medical reasons (TFMR)
• Stillbirth
• Neonatal death
You don't need to have another baby to find your "rainbow."
If you’re ready, then I am confident that together we can process your grief and allow you to experience happiness in your present and hope for your future.
- Treat yourself with gentleness and compassion
- Honor the baby you lost and the dreams you had for them
- Find clarity and confidence regarding next steps
- Find happiness within yourself instead of your circumstances
- Look ahead with renewed hope
- Experience courage alongside your fear when you're ready to try again
Grief never really ends.
But it does progress.
book your Free Consultation to get started
The first stage is the loss.
The second is the remaking of life.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Technically, pregnancy loss is a more encompassing term describing the ending of a pregnancy anytime from implantation all the way to during a full-term labor. Miscarriage - also unfortunately referred to a "spontaneous abortion" - officially refers to the unexpected ending of a pregnancy anytime before 20 weeks of gestation.
Pregnancy loss therefore includes miscarriages as well as stillbirths - when the fetus dies in the womb or during delivery after 20 weeks' gestation - and pregnancies with no fetus, such as anembryonic pregnancies ("blighted ovum") where there is an empty gestational sac, and complete molar pregnancies where sperm fertilizes an empty egg.
For some women, having precise language is important to understand and describe their experience. Ultimately, it doesn't matter what medical professionals call it or what you want to call it. The main thing is to remember that no matter what kind of loss you had, your grief is valid.
- Organizations that help you to honor the baby you lost, including Comfort Cub (any pregnancy/child loss) and Courage Box (losses at 20+ weeks gestation).
- Free support groups - there may be some available in your local area, or Postpartum Support International has online support groups for Early Pregnancy Loss, Stillbirth and Infant Loss, and Termination for Medical Reasons.
- Books and workbooks - check out this Amazon list for recommendations
- Therapy - you may be interested in couples therapy, group therapy, grief therapy, or trauma therapy
Yes. No matter how far along you were, it's possible to experience psychological difficulties including depression, anxiety, insomnia, and post-traumatic stress.
Ideally, your healthcare provider should be screening for these issues at your follow-up visit. If they don't bring it up and you have concerns - or you aren't starting to feel at least a little better within a few weeks, please do not hesitate to reach out. They can prescribe anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, and sleep medications or refer you to a perinatal psychiatrist if you have any concerns about what is safe to take while TTC and through pregnancy if needed.
Even if you aren't wanting to take medication, it's still important to let your healthcare provider know about depression and anxiety symptoms or any sleep disturbance. It may point to a physical problem, hormonal imbalance, or nutrient deficiency that they can help you address.
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